Not complaining

A lot has happened since I last shared something here.

Back in July, I was a month away from our performance evals.

I was also starting to get better at managing my triggers. I couldn’t sit close to a man for long periods, and it was much worse in cramped spaces. I couldn’t book an inDrive from my house to the office every time I needed to go (it was too expensive, and I ran out of budget), so I started taking the bus instead. The travel time was longer, but the space was better, and I could transfer seats whenever I started to feel uncomfortable.

If I didn’t have the luxury of time, I would take the point-to-point van and just pay for the seat beside me. Of course, there were times when I had to just suck it up because there weren’t enough seats left in the van, and getting the next one and waiting for it to fill up would make me late for work. But those times were fewer compared to 2023 and 2024, when I was so uncomfortable that I would start crying quietly and swallowing my tears.

Of course, managing my triggers is not healing, but it was still an improvement.

And it might not have been much improvement, but I started sleeping better. I also started feeling a bit more energetic and motivated to commute to and from work for a total of six hours.

Then the seating arrangement reshuffle happened.

There was another restructuring in our department, so there were people who transferred to our floor and we all had to make room for them.

That…asshole was transferred to one desk away behind me.

I saw his face every time I had to go back to my desk.

I thought I could persevere and just manage my feelings, but it started affecting my work and my mood around my team.

I could get so angry inside just seeing his face and I would simmer for hours.

I spoke to my manager, who spoke to that asshole’s manager about the seating arrangement if they could transfer him somewhere else. But there was a question from that manager if I had already reported the incident, and I was like, so you’re not going to do anything unless I file an official complaint to HR? While part of me understood their side, parts of me felt betrayed and let down. So I mentioned it to my senior manager when we had our catch-up. That asshole got transferred away from me the next day.

I am so grateful for my senior manager and my direct manager. They are like earth angels, including our associate director. I am so grateful and I’m so lucky to be part of our team.

So now I barely see that asshole.

It would be great not to see him ever again, but I don’t want to be the reason for anyone to get fired. He can just get fired because of his own incompetence.

On the homefront, Guigui has turned into one fat, heavy neck pillow. He refuses to sleep anywhere else aside from the left side of my neck or on my chest, tucked under my chin. It’s getting increasingly uncomfortable as he grows, but he and the rest of my babies give me so much joy.

Guigui is now one year old, along with his sister, Sailor V. He’s still like when he was a kitten – he still jumps on my leg and climbs me like a tree.

I hope he realizes once he’s too big that it hurts when he climbs up on me, but part of me hopes that he’ll stay as he is forever.