Existence Issues

I just finished reading the latest chapter of Beelzebub and I was all giggly-happy that Furuichi was back. When I got to the latest chapter of Claymore, I was about three pages in when I started bawling my eyes out.

In the previous chapter, Clarice died trying to bring back Miata from being an Awakened One. In the latest chapter, Miata was back to normal, but couldn’t remember anything about Clarice who, for some years, had been the one she called ‘Mama’. Miata, though a very powerful warrior, was a bit unstable and only responded to Clarice, who she thought of as her mother. She was always very protective of Clarice (she ripped off the limbs of anyone who so much as tried to fight Clarice) and always followed whatever she said. When Clarice died, Miata said she felt very sad, yet she didn’t understand why and what for. Galatea figured out that before Clarice disintegrated into dust, she removed all memories of her from Miata’s mind, fearing that her death might make Miata dangerous to the rest of the warriors.

Clarice loved and cared for Miata for years, and chose to be forgotten by the person she loved for that person’s sake.

It kind of hit too close to home.

I don’t think I am that selfless, but if I’m dying anyway, why not?

There was a time when I was a bit obsessed with being remembered. Questions like, “How do you want to be remembered when you’re gone?” or “What legacy do you want to leave this world when you’re gone?” drove me to many sleepless nights. Back then I wanted to be remembered as a kind person. I wanted to help the whole world if I could. (Yeah, I was a bleeding heart.)

Years after, I thought, how important is it, really? Even memories fade. People forget the kindnesses they receive, the lessons they learn. There are people who fade and wither before their bodies retire. Is it so important to be remembered, when eventually everyone will forget?

I think it’s not so important after all. I think only the self-absorbed will do good things to be acknowledged, to be remembered once they’re gone.

I think there shouldn’t be a score card. Life isn’t like school where you graduate and receive points for everything you did. Life isn’t like school where you do your work to get the points. I think what matters is to be a blessing to people in any way even for a moment, and just let it be, like a grain of sand joining the shore.

Is it too corny? Is it too preachy?

I’m just barfing out my thoughts.

Peace. ^_^V