Things I Unearthed (unintentionally)

I’ve been having some trouble sleeping lately…I always have trouble sleeping one way or the other, but as of late I sleep along with the rest of the normal people, then wake up around two hours after. Can’t fall back asleep after that.

So I tried to doze off and checked if @Gackt tweeted anything new. He hasn’t updated his Twitter in four months now. My mind was just cruising on its own and going off in tangents, when I looked at his profile description again. I thought, “Isn’t this supposed to be in Japanese? I know I’ve read this before, but I’m not sure if it was via Google Chrome with the automatic translation.” (FYI Echofon doesn’t do that.) Anyway, I checked again and yep, it’s really in English. 

The big deal wasn’t about his profile being in English – it was the last line in his profile. It was familiar. Now, I wouldn’t be surprised if he got hundreds or thousands of heartfelt fan mail that said the same thing as something I sent him through the Dears (which used to be http://www.dears.ne.jp) website several years ago, but that line in his profile…

Call me foolish but that line is like an answer to what I sent before.

When I wrote him a poem several years ago, I didn’t know how to send it to him. I didn’t know Nihongo much less kanji. I couldn’t read where to send cards and he didn’t exactly advertise his email address. And there was no Twitter and I don’t remember him having a blog.

So I looked for that poem I sent him. I was sure I kept it in a notebook somewhere. I looked and dug through my stuff from years and years ago, looking for a pale blue notebook with Tweetie on it. 

I still haven’t found it, but I did find several things:

• Three unsent letters addressed to two of my classmates when I was a freshman in high school, and one addressed to my then top best friend. (We’re still friends but we’re no longer attached at the hip haha.) The letters were from 1997 or early 1998.
• Two receipts for overdue fines for two books from college amounting to approximately 10 USD. (The hell did I keep those for? Maybe I wanted to laminate them? Put them in a frame? Sheesh!)
• 9 notebooks that absolutely did not have that poem I made for Gackt.
• Mushy letters I wrote to my ex when I was still batshit crazy and rebelling at the rest of the world for turning upside down on me. (They weren’t letters I wrote to send to him. They were really diary notes, but using our pet name because I really couldn’t take the ‘Dear Diary’ thing seriously.) Nonetheless, they were SO embarrassing I really was crazy back then. (And I’m not now?)
• A collection of poems that I wrote in 1997-1998. I remember I almost threw out that notebook because I had this thing in my head that I never wrote in it. Good thing I chose to double check.
• A couple of my dad’s pictures with his co-workers that I took from his desk when he died.
• My notes to BVM (Blessed Virgin Mary – yeah I was once a dutiful Catholic.)
• 2006-2008 To-Do lists, budget plans, and computations that make no sense.
• Training notes during my ESL teacher stint for Korean students

So I have more fodder for ThrowbackThursdays on Instagram. ^_^V

I digress too much. Sorry. ^_^;

I really need to find that Tweetie notebook. I’ll find it eventually.

I don’t know if I’ll ever have the nerve again to send it to him, but I did write it for him, so it’s his. I wasn’t sure if he got it before, because the formatting could have gotten messed up via the contact form, or his staff might have missed it. I don’t even know if it actually went through, as I couldn’t understand if it was a confirmation message or error message that popped up when I hit ‘Send’.

What I know is I’ll start looking for it again once I hit ‘Publish’. I need to make sure he gets it, because it’s his.