Biological Need to Reproduce

That is one thing that I am unable to wrap my mind around (as yet). I don’t get it. I’d like to understand to a greater degree as long as I don’t experience that need for myself. Ever.

A few days ago, I came across this article about this female doctor’s statement about the most opportune time to reproduce, and the article writer trying to negate it and put forth the idea that women should take their time. I sent the link to a friend who, for a few months now have been a tad unbearably lonely, had this idea percolating in her head that she had to get pregnant by 35, with or without a partner. I wanted to calm her down, hit pause, and take things slowly. Sending the link to her backfired – now her deadline is 33. *sweatdrop*

She said she needed to have a child of her own, that it was a ‘biological need to reproduce’. I told her she didn’t need a child – a child is not a ‘need’. I’m not sure if I expressed it as clearly and as tactfully as I wanted, and I think I should have explained further why I said what I said, but my brain was in between the ‘cruising half awake state’ and the ‘suddenly agitated by this idea of a Need state’. 

I asked if she was ready, and she said yes.

I told her that if she thinks she needs a child and thinks that she’s ready then she has to think some more because she’s not ready.

We had to drop the discussion – it was really agitating me and at that moment I couldn’t pinpoint exactly why. I told her she knew herself best and that I respect whatever she decides for herself because it’s her life.

At that point I didn’t want to impose my ‘no kids forever’ rule especially on a friend.

On my way to the loo I woke up fully.

She knows I don’t want a child. I told her the reasons, but those reasons were a bit superficial from their roots.

When she spoke of this ‘biological need to reproduce’ I wanted to say, “If I’m the kid and my mom tells me that’s her reason for having me then I’d be totally pissed off at her.” I didn’t say it because I was editing myself and trying to be tactful. It bombed a bit and shit, but at that time I was busy wondering why the topic upset me. I had some time to think about it and now I know why.

I believe having a child is not about the parent’s need – it’s about the child’s needs. I believe that once you have a kid, your own needs become secondary. If I’m going to have a child just to fulfill my own biological need to reproduce then I’d rather just go fuck myself and die. I can’t in good conscience bring a life into this world without being 200% sure that I’m ready and able to put everything that I am in second place, because my child has to be first at all times. 

And I can’t just wing it – I can’t just do something albeit with good intentions and just hope for the best. So maybe I’m too serious and have a stick up my ass – but I’m not brave enough for that. 

I’m damn scared of messing up and letting my child down.

I’m scared to make mistakes when it comes to another life. I’m scared to fall short. I know that people make mistakes, that no one’s perfect, that you can’t please everybody, that it’s normal to mess up, but when it comes to having and raising my child…

I’m not brave enough for that. 

If I mess up, I can’t just delete my child like an MMORPG character and start over. 

So you guys who are parents and those who are ready to jump headfirst into parenthood…I dunno. I guess you’re really brave people.

It’s your life and this is mine. 

RESPECT.