Otousan

Is it even proper for me to say
I’m grateful to you for bringing me to this world
When you hurt so many people –
Killed dreams and broke hearts 
Just to drag me by the hair?

You broke rules,
Shattered worlds.
Is that the price of my existence?
Must I say thanks, otousan?

Cursed in the womb,
Despised before birth. 
I bear the weight of your mistakes.
I carry the cross for your sins.

How can I say ‘thank you’
When I have to pay the price?
How can I express gratitude,
While insulting others at the same time?

How could you bring life to me
Knowing what you always knew?
Dragging me to this place, this time – this life
Has to be worth more than the damage it wrought.

I have to pay for this life,
So that I won’t feel guilty for living it.
I need to pay for this life,
To keep my soul and sanity.

I may not be able
To thank you as yet,
But know that I know:
You just lived and loved, and hoped for the best.